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A tandem rider is stopped by a police car. “What’ve I done, officer?” asks the rider.
“Perhaps you didn’t notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . .”
“Oh, thank God for that,” says the rider – “I thought I’d gone deaf!”
I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. The woman was driving very slowly uphill, honking her horn and shouting at me: “PIG! PIG!!”. I flipped her the finger and shouted back “BITCH! COW!!”. Then I collided with the pig!