Time and Space Warp Bike Commuting

So, every once in awhile, I decide to take a little trip down memory lane to my times as a bike commuter in Honolulu. Especially when it’s butt-ass cold for a sissy Californian like myself over here in Portland, Oregon. What the isht are we going to do in January, cycle peoples?

PDX butt-ass cold

Oh man, mad props to Elizabeth for all-year commuting in Chicago…

Lucky for me, some time-traveling crystals were on super sale on Amazon.com. I installed those suckers on my Schwinn le Tour II so I can time and space warp bike commute my way back to Oahu…

… where I may have encountered a walking Shrimp Monster or something. I checked the GPS app that came with my crystals, and it pinpointed me smack dab in the middle of Honolulu. Turns out I wasn’t lost afterall, just in the middle of a Shrimp Monster protest night. Frickin’ keep calm, and cycle on – the wall told me.

So what’s a confused and befuddled time-and-space-warping cycle lady supposed to do in a time like this? Three things, obviously:

1. Steal a lavender beach cruiser from your nearest friend or aquaintence.

2. Bike to Waikiki using the new and somewhat improved bike lanes.

3. Jump in the water to clear the fog and warm up!




Maybe there were some other bikes at the beach too… Bikey friends of the coaster brake/fatty tire variety. Even a $1.25 craigslist score that the lifeguard bragged about!



And what’s a trip back to Oahu without some takoyaki at Shirokiya? Totally worth all the money I spent on those bike crystals just for takoyaki.

Until next time, Honolulu.


  1. Elizabeth November 1, 2013 12:59 pm 

    In the 40s and rainy is some of my least favorite weather. Bone-chilling…. brrrr! Good idea to time travel back to Hawaii… Aloha!

  2. bigbenaugust November 2, 2013 7:40 pm 

    Awwwwwww, Hawaii! Only 7 timezones from here… :,(

  3. Mir.I.Am November 2, 2013 9:56 pm 

    It’s so cold right now in Portland, Elizabeth! Wet and 45… I can’t tell if I’ll ever get used to it, or if I have to just leap through time and space every so often!
    @Ben: time to get some space warp upgrades for your commuter!

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