Category: Humor

We’ve all seen them: bike accessories that make you go hmm… whoa!… huh??!…weird…I wonder who came up with that??

Granted, quite a few of these show up on our friend Matt C.‘s blog Bikehacks… but some of them actually make it out into the world as retail options!

Some of these things aren’t necessarily bad – many fulfill their intended function, at least to some extent – but they either look silly, make you feel ridiculous, or just plain ARE ridiculous simply by existing! With that, here are a few of our picks…

1. Bike Umbrellas.

Drybike!

Yes, this technically might work (especially if you’re riding a Dutch bike in the Netherlands, though even then I’m skeptical). However, it looks kind of ridiculous… and I know on my commutes rain often is not falling straight down!
You could also, of course, just protect your head:

The Nubrella

2. Leather handles to carry your bike. Some may call it brilliant… we call it kinda silly!

Walnut Studiolo's bike carry handle

3. If handles to carry your bike are silly, then we don’t even have words for this (image courtesy Gizmodo):
All I can say is that the makers of this have clearly never had the bottom of a six pack fall out… and also need reminders about things like “panniers” and “backpacks.”

4. Sideways safety flags. Granted, these appear to work at keeping cars a little further away from you… so if that’s a problem, you just may be a candidate for one of these (though the one we reviewed apparently is no longer available). But… they look just a little bit too much like you forgot to remove something after a parade.

Flagging

5. Huge pants-cuff-savers. Do they work? For the most part, yes. Do they make you look like you’re riding against doctor’s orders? Also yes.

But I have a note!

6. Skinny jeans for cyclists. Umm, yeah. Maybe people who only walk next to their bikes can fit into these, but for the most part the guys and gals here can’t… and it’s not because of our rear ends! We have calves and quads, people!

7. This next one’s not technically an accessory… but it deserves inclusion. It is… the Fliz. All the disadvantages of biking combined with all the disadvantages of walking… plus you get to stick your head in the middle of the frame! What could POSSIBLY go wrong??

We’re sure there are other crazy commuting accessories out there – what gems do you have to share??

I’m sure most of you have been heckled before…it can be an unpleasant side effect of sharing the road with other users who don’t really understand why you’re out there.

And we’ve probably heard the same heckles over and over…you know, the “get on the sidewalk!” and the ever-popular “Hey Lance Armstrong!”. Yeah yeah…heard it all before. There is definitely an art to heckling…it’s tough to be creative with something that is clever, intelligible at high speed and for such a short duration of interaction between motorist/cyclist/pedestrian.

I asked the other writers here at Bikecommuters.com if they’d share some of their favorite heckles. I didn’t get too much in the way of clever ones, but let’s hear what the crew has experienced:

RL has had a carload of men catcall and whistle at him. Personally, I rather like being whistled at or catcalled…call me vain, but it suggests to me that I’m easy on the eyes! RL agrees: “Wasn’t sure how to react at first, but took it as a compliment, I guess I still have it.”

Miriam has had a SUV-load of adolescents lean out the windows and bark like dogs at her. Also, “I did have a woman yell at me for a good three blocks on my first ever commute in Seattle calling me a f%#king bitch who needed to learn how to drive and did i want her to run me over?!”

Elizabeth had a pedestrian…yeah, someone on FOOT…shout “Buy a car!” at her. I find this one deliciously ironic…as my friend Chip back in Tampa had to say, “you think cyclists have it bad out there…you should try being a pedestrian — we’re third-class citizens!” Hollering at a cyclist to buy a car when you’re walking just defies reason. E thinks the lady was trying to impress her friends. I suggested she might have been drunk.

I asked some of our Facebook fans to recount their favorite heckles…the one that took the cake there was “Buy a horse!” Funny, weird, and original all in one.

So, what are some of the heckles you’ve heard out there? We’d love to hear them…just drop them in the comments below. Don’t worry about profanity if you’ve got a doozy to share.

Editor’s note: The following article is by Suzanne Sheridan, a woman I met 20 years ago in Sarasota, Florida under the strangest of circumstances. Suzanne is a dedicated transportational cyclist, and has some unique insights into traveling with a young one. If any of our other readers would like to submit guest articles, please drop us a line at info[at]bikecommuters[dot]com

The Birth of a Bike Mama

It didn’t take much. We were on vacation, visiting friends and family in Florida, and I had brought our jogging stroller/bike trailer with the intent of getting back into bike action. With the help of a Floridian bike mechanic friend showing me how to hook it up, I started using our SUV baby stroller as a bike trailer. One of our first rides was on the Gainesville-Hawthorne Rail-to-Trail. This was always one of my favorite rides before the birth of my daughter, so it was natural to start anew with this trail. What wasn’t natural was taking a 30-mile ride after a two-year hiatus from bicycling! When I started out riding again, I couldn’t resist the temptation to bike this whole trail. We made it to Hawthorne OK and had the requisite small-town BBQ. On the return I started to feel my lack of leg muscles. Unable to pedal any further I walked the last few miles of the return trip. This was one of the first challenges I would face as I grew into being a new bike mama.

Before my daughter, Wayra, was born I used to bike everywhere- for transportation, for fun, for exercise- for all of the above and more. Now, I still bike for all of these reasons. Overall the transition has been easy yet there have been a few challenges along the way.

flbike2
(photo by Suzanne Sheridan)

One of the hardest aspects of biking with a babe has been getting used to riding like a civilized and law-abiding citizen. I used to be one of those cyclists that raced the public transit system. “I bet I can beat you there!” I’d say as you were walking down the stairs, to take the nearest el train, and I was unlocking my bike. And I would do it. I’d run stop signs, red lights, and have near-collisions with cars all in the name of going fast and making good time. Now, wanting to set a good example for my trailer-riding daughter, I don’t run stop signs or red lights- even if there are no other vehicles or pedestrians around us.

Another related challenge is I still have a bit of an immortal complex. I have made obvious changes out of regard for the safety of my daughter. I don’t ride with her in the trailer at night, in icy weather, on roads with fast cars or where there’s a risk of getting doored. While my daughter always wears her helmet, I still do not wear a helmet. This is where I’ve refused to budge in my immortality yet I know that my helmet-free time is probably limited. My daughter has always loved her helmet – sometimes refusing to take it off when we arrive at our destination. And she sometimes says to me “Where’s your helmet? You need a helmet Mama!” I respond always with something along the lines of “Yeah, I should get that.” which satisfies her for now. The moment is in sight though when she’ll be refusing to wear a helmet unless I do too and, at that time, I will give in to being the good bicycle-safety role model and don a helmet.

A recent close call brought home that, with Wayra, I must always be the defensive cyclist. At a 4-way stop, crossing a busy road, I had made eye contact with all the stopped drivers and started crossing the intersection. A car, that I wrongly assumed would yield, almost plowed into us as I yelled “Stop!” and another driver yelled “Bicycle!” This driver braked within about 2 feet of Wayra’s bike trailer. This chilling incident lead to Wayra yelling “Stop!” at cars at intersections for weeks after!

One of the mundane hassles of biking with a babe in a trailer, has been racking myself, and jerking Wayra’s trailer, when I’ve misjudged the space of a turn and got the trailer caught on things. I have caught the trailer on the blind corner of our apartment complex more than once. And there was that one incident where I tried to squeeze us by a man with a walker on the sidewalk. I caught the trailer on a cement planter. While I racked myself good I could not logically be mad at the guy with the walker as I was completely in the wrong biking on the sidewalk, endangering a fragile senior citizen, etc. The moral of the story here is to give yourself plenty of room for turns, take your trailer turns wide, and steer clear of pedestrians.

There are many advantages to pulling a tot in a trailer. At first, it can be daunting going slower. However, even with the babe trailer, I find we often still arrive faster or in the same amount of time as we would in a bus or a car, when it comes to local jaunts. When it comes to destinations within 5-10 miles, it’s also quicker and easier for me to hook-up the bike trailer than it is to lug a child car seat up and down from our apartment & install it so that a friend/taxi can give us a ride. The bike-jock factor makes me happy as well. My legs are certainly getting stronger with the extra resistance of pulling the tot in a trailer and I can feel the gradual return of my super-biker thighs. Another little joy is the silent glee I feel when I occasionally get to pass another bicyclist who is not pulling a trailer. Beyond all of these perks, the biggest joy of all is raising a girl with a budding case of bicycle-love. Wayra can’t wait to ride on her own and I’m excited to be with her every revolution- I mean step- of the way.

flbike3
(photo by Suzanne Sheridan)

About the author: Suzanne Sheridan lives in Chicago-land. Her bike-love involves going fast, day-trippin’ on Rail-to-Trails, and rehabbing old Schwinns. When not riding, she is busy running after her toddler daughter Wayra.

Molly over Old Delhi

Commuting conditions in Old Delhi, India

Happy Aloha Friday bike commuters.  This Friday’s Musing is dedicated to any commuters out there who move from city to city, state to state, or country to country more frequently than the rest of us.  As I am traveling on and off for the summer, and prepping for a future uprooting once again, I find myself faced with the challenge of parting with my dear bikes or sending ’em packing along with me.  Then I got thinking…(I know, I know, careful with that thinking cap) if I were to up and move to a new city or place, is there anyplace in the world where I wouldn’t feel comfortable bike commuting?!  Maybe you really have to feel each city or town out for yourself before you can make that decision, but I already left the #1 listed state in Bike-Friendliness (Washington) to move to the lowly ranked #41 listed state on the list (Hawaii) and we still choose pedal power as our mode of transit everyday in Honolulu!  I know that for Boyfriend and I, bikeability plays a big part in where we choose to sign a rental agreement.  What about you guys?  Is there a place you’ve visited, lived, or will soon be living where you’d refuse to commute by bike? And WHY?!  Too dangerous, too hot, too cold, bad roads, or “well, a donkey just makes more sense here”  – whatever your reason may be, what’s your “Anywhere But Here” for bike commuting?  Comments box, please!

Howdy Bike Commuters… We put out a call to arms for Commuter Profiles back in the day, and we had some lukewarm responses.  Since none of the velo monsters who initially emailed us have responded with a completed questionnaire, I have decided to cajole my friend Danny from NYC into submitting his Commuter Profile!  We hope the photos inspire you to share your commuter profile story too.  Get ready for more silly sarcasm and major hipster points… without further ado, Danny Abalos’ 15 minutes of Bike Commuter Internet fame:

Danny Abalos and his red single speed Schwinn in a white spaceship (a.k.a. his office)

Name: Danny Abalos


How long have you been a bike commuter?

5 years since college + 5 years at college before that. So, 10 years!

Why did you start riding your bike to work and how long is your commute?

I hail from California, but I hate driving and traffic, so I got a job in NYC which is super bike friendly and it’s totally extra hipster points when you ride your bike everywhere. The subway is cool too, but bikes rule. My ride to work is a pretty easy 3 or 4 miles of  the beautiful bike lane-lined Brooklyn waterfront.  It only takes about 20 minutes, allowing me to get to work only 20 minutes late every day!

How does Bike Commuting help you with your lifestyle (economics, health, relationships)?

I already mentioned the extra hipster points right? So you can assume that I have five hundred friends on facebook because I ride a bike.  Also I never buy an unlimited metro card because they are lame, so I save about a hundred dollars per month to spend on things like… not gas.

What do you do for a living and in what city do you bike commute?

I work at an Architecture firm in New York City.

What kind(s) of bike do you have?

I have a lovely minimal shiny red single speed Schwinn with an awesome “ratio” that I know nothing about.  Editor’s side bar: one time Danny g-chatted me telling me the story of how some guys were admiring his bike on the way to work, and they kept asking him what his ratio was.  I told him they meant his GEAR ratio, but that I also did not know an easy way to answer the question! HA.

The red single-speed Shwinn with street cred and something about "ratios"

Any funny or interesting commuting story that you may want to share?

Sure, but it’s more of a photo thing. I see lots of public art (or maybe it’s wannabe graffiti) during my commute that is pretty cool!  Plus, check out the dope view of the city I get twice a day over the Pulanski Bridge as I ride from Long Island City to Brooklyn to and from work.

Clever stencil…

Does this count as public art?

Along the bike path.

More art on the bike path.

Scenic Waterfront views.

What do people (coworkers, friends) say when you tell them that you are a bike commuter?

Nobody is phased, come on this is Brooklyn!  Honestly though, I’m just a regular guy like everybody else.

How about bicycling advocacy?  Are you active in any local or regional advocacy groups?

I try to get my friends to bike everywhere by saying that we are in a bike gang, but I still don’t have a name for it yet.  Editor’s side bar: this is actually true and not sarcasm.  Our other friend, Justin, was bummed that he doesn’t have a bike yet so he can’t join the unnamed architecture bike gang.

Anything else that you want to share with us?

Sure, check out my ghetto fender I made out of an aluminum foil box today cuz the roads were a little moist in the pictures over there.

Danny's bike on the way into town- check out the killer view (I'm obviously talking about the view of his Aluminum foil box "fender"!)

Thanks for sharing, Danny… All the readers out there must be jealous of your separated bike path and green painted bike lanes – I know I AM!  So, if there are any other Cycle Ladies and Gents interested in submitting their commuter profiles, please email us at info{at}bikecommuters{dot}com.  It’s so easy and fun, even Danny can do it.