Friday Musings: My Bikeless Butt in Buenos Aires

Happy Friday, Bike Commuters! A short, but wonderful WTF weirdness update from the world of Mir.I.Am: live from Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Rental Bikes - Buenos Aires - Argentina

Bike Envy: my bikeless butt covets the yellow bikes of Buenos Aires. By pepsiline on flickr.

It’s perpetual travel time nowadays, which means I am bikeless in Buenos Aires. The last bike standing – my orange vintage ride – woefully collects dust in the faraway land of San Francisco, at my sister’s apartment. After a shameful three months of hoofing it through Costa Rica and Dramamine-induced bus rides… I think I’ve come down with a case of Bikeless Butt Envy! Everywhere I look, I see happy Argentines riding yellow cruisers, and my butt gets jealous like too-short teenagers in a roller coaster park. These fits of jealousy spark an inner dialogue between my butt and me that goes like this:

Bikeless Butt Post-It

“Get your limp body up on a saddle!” – my butt taunts as Cycle Ladies breeze by in summer dresses and platform sandals in Buenos Aires. I must be losing it – my butt is talking to me. Did my butt just leave me a post-it on the front door?

“I’m sick of this shiz, smother me into some strange-ass public bike share saddle, Mejor en Bici style,” chirps my bum.

“Quit your nagging, Flatness Everdeen, I’m on a tight travel budgie since Costa Rica… And, let’s be honest, you weren’t ready to crank me up Volcano Mountain in humid rainstorms without clips and some spandoise!” I retort.

“Get over it, Chinita Loca… There are ZERO hills in this city. Booty-up and do your paperwork so we can see the city via two wheels!” The butt makes a good point, and I’m out of excuses.

Time to muster up my Castellano courage and dive into some paper bureaucracy – the only thing I need is proof of address in Buenos Aires and identification. Check out those baskets and clown horns, amigos!

And so, the excursion begins this week – I’m on this like tweens on Twilight. It’s time to listen to my butt and get back on a bike. With 28 Mejor en Bici stations, the bike share possibilities are as prolific as puddled potholes in the sidewalk around this town. And there is a large network of car-free lanes (marked in yellow in the map below) where bikes can avoid the notoriously heinous driving of the local Porteños… Drool in awe:

Cross your fingers, Bike Commuters, for a successful sign-up to get my butt back on a bike. It’s been far too long, and I’ve gone off the deep end. I’ll think of all the velomonsters out there this weekend, as I live vicariously through your bike commutes.

Bike Pin Up Girl

Bike Envy! From my butt, to yours.



  1. locus

    Drool in awe?

    In Washington, DC where we’re hosting a little re-Inauguration Party this weekend, we have Capitol Bikeshare with 175 stations and 1670 bikes. Our local public transit authority, WMATA, has recommended the use of bikes (public and private) as the optimal conveyance around the city for the festivities.

  2. Mir.I.Am

    @locus – oh snap! If only I hadn’t come down with a mad flu, I would’ve visited DC post new years and REALLY drooled my face off! 175 Stations!? That is incredible and beyond my bikeless dreams? Do you commute vis Capitol Bikeshare?

  3. Elizabeth

    Chicago is in line to debut 300 stations with 3000 bikes this spring… !!!!

  4. Mir.I.Am

    Okay, I don’t know how I left this out of the article, but did I mention this is a FREE Bike Share program!? Holla.

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